Ready

When I look at him, all cool calm and collected.. Like he always is.. Even when I was in the hospital.. I knew, THIS is why he was sent to me. He makes me grounded. Just when I feel like the world is collapsing around me, just a look and I know I'll be fine..

I'm ready.

I feel guilty to those around me who have had to keep this underwraps because I was.. I don't know.. Ashamed? God knows what I felt..

The truth is, I've had a burst ectopic. Excuse my bad medical terminology. Go look it up. People do get ectopic prg, but normally early on it would be taken out due to the risks involved..

Like bursting and causing internal bleeding..

Which happened to me. I didn't even realize I was walking with internal bleeding. I had food poisoning the week before so I guess any physical pain I attribute directly to food poisoning. Doc said I should've passed out with the amount of internal bleeding I had.. But alhamdulillah I managed the whole week driving to and fro work okay.

I guess what brought me to the hospital is another gift from Him. Similar feeling like I had when I had appendicitis.. I JUST HAD TO GET TO THE HOSPITAL, now..

Luckily manage to settle some work that morning, cause I'm on a long sick leave until raya it seems.. I won't be cheering just yet, as my sudden absence have left some of my colleagues covering for me at work.. Not a nice feeling. Were it not for doc's strict orders, I probably would have come in this week.

They had to remove one fallopian tube, they could not save it. Somehow I knew that even before they opened me up.. It was a loss.. Something I'm still trying to cope with. But when I look at him, I know.. InsyaAllah we will be able to try again. Doc said having one tube does not reduce our chances by half.. InsyaAllah.. I now have two surgery 'cuts' to nurse.. So I guess no Zumba for the time being!

He knows best..

Xx